Welcome to the Orpheus Inversion series. Here we take a light hearted look at what to do if you want to guarantee failure! Our first topic covers how to design and write a really poor document. . .
The 4 Principles of Designing & Writing a really poor document
- Make it complex; make it difficult to read & navigate; & tough to comprehend.
- Separate design, content, development & distribution to different departments or service providers.
- Make sure its so poorly written that the customer has to ring the contact centre to figure out what to do next. Remember to hide the phone number along with any other reference numbers the customer might need.
- And if you want to extend the inversion to the overall customer experience, make sure they need to spend 5-minutes and push at least 5 telephone key numbers, then # before they speak to someone. Then make sure that person is the wrong person. Who gives you another number to ring . . .
To understand how to excel at doing it badly, let’s pick on an Insurance Policy Notice with a covering letter “welcoming” a new customer to us as their new Insurer . . .
- Let’s design it in word with 2 columns so we can put phone numbers & call-out details on the left or right. And the bigger column on the left will be for all the words, coverages & exclusions
- Get someone in IT or the business who’s “good with Word” to do the basic ‘template’ design.
- Done, ready for legal.
- Now let’s get all the terminology from Legal so we cover ourselves in case the customers omit or lie about anything. Then let’s use some obscure legal language around coverages so they can’t figure out whether they’re really covered for say, Flood, or not.
- Make sure we have really long sentences with lots of “hereto’s”, “beforementioned’s” & “thereafter’s”
- And use the passive voice throughout so that no one is sure who’s supposed to be doing what.
- And lets put in lots of headings to help them focus on the bits they should. Good idea to underline & make bold as well – you never know, they might miss the important bits.
- And if there’s too much text reduce the font size to make it fit.
- Done – going well!
- Images & Icons – grab them from some of the other documents you’ve got on your hard drive.
- Done – who said this was hard?
Build and Deploy:
- Now we just need to get someone in IT to copy this in the tool they use & put the real data in.
Design in Word. Let Legal Loose. Select some Graphics. Let IT Build it. Test and Deploy.
Follow these easy steps or contact us to find out how to do it properly!